Heartless Corporation

Vlogs, or video-blogs, are not exactly taking over the web, but they are on the web, and that's bad enough.

That aside, here's Lucas' contribution to the vlogosphere....

CLICK-O-TRON

Last week we posted two videos - two 30-second adverts for the Doritos "Make us an ad" competition.

A comment posted in response to these videos suggested we had sold out. Whether you believe this to be the case or not, it cannot be said that we don't give you bang-for-your-buck in the process, as this video illustrates.

Doritos, that lovely brand of corn chip, have been running a competition called "You Make It, We Play It". The idea is to make a 30-second TV commercial for Doritos.

We've submitted two.

First, Jessie Ngaio wrote a concept for us to create, which we did. It can be seen here:
CLICK!

Then Lucas Heil decided to throw his own idea into the ring:
CLACK!

Both feature Nelson Gardner and Lucas Heil in varying capacities.

By the way, the ring is a metaphor. But yes, it is a metaphorical anus.

We didn't win!

Though in consolation, we've been told from various sources that our video got the most laughs.

And that's what really counts.

If you ignore the $2000 prize.

Vimeo (High Quality & Download option)

YouTube (Be sure to vote and comment)

Our new music video which we have been hinting very unashamedly at for the past few months is finally being unveiled. The video is for a song by Australian musical comedy act Tripod, called "I Always Get Into Stuff", and will premiere as part of Tripod's Melbourne Comedy Festival show "Idio Clips" on 19th April. Our video has been selected as a finalist for their competition of the same name, in which the winner (to be announced on the night) will bugger off with $2000 cash. While it's unsure as to whether or not we will win at this juncture, we're very happy to have made it this far, and to have our video premiered on a big screen while Tripod perform the song live to it. Pretty dang cool.

If you want to check it out and be part of the fun of the night, you can book tickets by calling Ticketek on 132 849 or clicking here.

If not, then stay tuned in the days following the event for the obligatory online video links and whatnot.

What happened? Wes' brother Nelson Gardner has graced us with his presence in this exciting new video, which goes for so long we've had to ungracefully split it in half to get it onto YouTube, that's what. Please go check it out, and don't forget to rate and comment on it. One of these days, we'll hit the big time entirely unintentionally. Until then, help us force it.

Sodomize the new kitten here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jf1nVRzPBIo

Oh, and stay tuned for more news on the music video front.

Heartless Corporation's first project for 2009 is a music video. Shooting commenced last weekend, and will continue through the next two weeks, whereupon the coroner will arrive and the bodies will be disposed of.

More details soon....

Time for something a little more personal.

Our good friend Tom Gleisner (the owner of the bird seen in the last couple of HC videos, and no relation to the Australian comedian of the same name) will be returning to his humble home town of North America in a week, and we decided to immortalise him in a fake tribute video featuring all his friends, which we screened at his going away party on Friday December 12, 2008. Thanks to everyone who was a part of it, you all rock, let's do it again some time.

Written by Lucas Heil & Wes Gardner. Amusing photoshopped images by Jessie Ngaio.

Cheers Tom.

Thomas Gleisner: The Man. The Art.

 Your favourite Heartless Corporation employee is back in an all-new video. Lucas also makes an appearance.

It is time for yet another outing with Lucas. With Wes out of the country, perhaps this solitary confinement is turning him mad. Particularly as we witness him writing about himself in the third person. Check out this latest piece of faux-art before reaching your final judgment.

This video also marks the opening of yet another branch of Heartless Corporation's web-video-whoring project - our new vimeo.com account. Enjoy it here exclusively from Vimeo today, or opt to download it to your hard drive from veoh.com in a week. Or there's also the option to watch it over at Youtube in a week too, in the event that you have some weird aversion to higher quality, or websites beginning with 'V'.

Heartless Corporation now has a channel over at Veoh. While we will continue to host our videos on Youtube, we think you'll like the Veoh option a little more, where you're not only able to view our videos in a higher quality, but you'll also have the option to download our videos in DivX format, or automatically subscribe to our videos as a podcast sent straight to the podcast-compatible portable device of your choice.

Now everyone go sign up and bring our average star rating up from one star.

Our Veoh Channel is available for viewing right now at http://www.veoh.com/channels/heartlesscorporation

All aboard the party bike - it may be cramped but when it's time to ride, it's time to ride. Today's speed bump has been conceived and executed entirely by Lucas, so you can't blame Wes this time around. Strap on your helmet and check it big time at Youtube or download a slightly better quality DivX version from a file-hosting mirror via this link.

A belated Merry Christmas, an early Happy New Year. Whatever part of the holiday season you want to take this for, here's your glass of spiked punch.

Another film, plucked fresh from the still-steaming guts of Inevitability's corpse. Like a haunted carousel, Heartless Corporation is committed to spinning imperceptibly and releasing a torrent of blood every six months, and in this fine tradition we continue today.

No words can describe the grim spectacle that awaits on the other side of the luminous text below. Go not with God, for he shall not follow into those dark reaches. Instead, simply close your eyes, take a deep breath, and know that people will remember you as someone who was once loved, like they.

Be forewarned - the genre of today's outing is that of the Arthouse film.

We present: Montage à Trois.

We're working on something new. In the meantime, some random sod out there may enjoy perusing the first draft of the Mr Conspicuous script. Little changed between the original draft and the final, but there's a couple of little alterations and lines that were cut that you may be interested in checking out. Or not - nobody's forcing you to read it. And if they are, we make no apologies anyway.


See you all soon with some new stuff.

Suddenly, from the corner of the room, a new skit staggers into view. With cheap alcohol on its breath, it lumbers over to you, knocking over an ice sculpture depicting a moment midway through the virgin birth. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, it reaches you, wrapping its bristly, sweaty arms around you, and after burping one of the most foul-smelling, wet-sounding burps you have ever heard, brings its face up to yours and tenderly kisses you with the most luscious lips you could ever hope to kiss.

Future Wes
WARNING: Contains infrequent coarse language.

Written, filmed and edited in one evening, by Lucas and Wes.

It has been a while since we have had anything to show here, and today is no exception. During the past few months, we've been deciding what our next move will be - should we do another Slappity Bam Clump, or another short film? In all this deciding, we've not had any time to create anything new. That's our cop-out and we're sticking to it.

We do have a small piece of news for you though. We have finally begun penning the script for our new project, and will be presenting it to the world very soon.

We're going to keep very quiet about this one, but we think you'll enjoy it. Check back here on January 1st for part one of our new series of four shorts. A new one will be posted each week throughout the first four weeks of January. How's that for value.

Until then, from the Heartless Corporation, have a very safe and Merry Christmas, and a fantastic New Years celebrations.